We Stood at the Edge of a Significant Bush Revival – Until Kim Kardashian Released That Faux Bush Underwear

Each journalist keeps a “for emergencies” article – the story they’ll write when their beloved musician dies, their favorite sports club wins, or the political moment they dreamed of arrives. My version was all planned out. The article: the bush is back! A 3,000-word essay regarding the quiet reclamation of pubic hair in all its unruly glory, filled with hair-raising puns befitting a story of such campy defiance.

Yet I must admit the fact that I may never get to write this piece. Why? Because a certain celebrity and her underwear brand her label have ruined it, by launching of a faux pubic hair thong called “the Ultimate Bush”. Launched last week with a video featuring models in a 70s-styled gameshow entitled “Does the carpet match the drapes?”, the affordable underwear features a triangle of hair crafted from synthetic fibres to imitate natural growth in a dozen shades and texture combos. It sold out within a day, leaving the internet to question: who exactly is the target audience? Those who regret removing everything? Or people seeking some retro merkin fun?

Generally, I tend to think that most Kardashian news can be promptly disregarded; but the thing is, dear reader, I firmly believed we were but a hair’s breadth (sorry) to a genuine big bush revival. There were pubes on the catwalk (see Margiela’s 2024 high fashion celebration of the merkin), and in cosmetics campaigns (the Kiehl’s campaign featuring real pubic hair). On social media, emerged “full bush in a bikini” – a TikTok trend kicked off by a popular clip where a woman delights in seeing exactly that – that turned into the phrase du jour of women posting in praise of a lush growth, or criticising removal for its ingrown hairs, skin irritation and just the whole “patriarchal view” of it all. And I must give a mention to one user known as a social media personality, with her famed “bush aura” readings see her guess what pubic hairstyle a celebrity is sporting according to energy – the cooler, happier, and more independent the woman, the more silky and abundant the fur. Imagine confidence and charm, bush edition.

I’ll concede these developments was a bit of a, clears throat, niche trend (listen, this wordplay have to go somehow), yet I believed it was sure to expand. Sure, body positivity as a trend had its problems, while Turkey teeth, Ozempic and quick cosmetic procedures approach the norm, I deeply regret the total abandonment of the “love yourself” message. Certainly, I thought, everything would become overwhelming – costly in a cost of living crisis, too much effort as leisure hours is at an abysmal low – leading to a comeback to something more natural. And why not start with pubic hair? With the vast majority of women grooming theirs, it is among the top grooming habits around. Challenge that and it’s uncertain what might follow?

Yet instead we get the pubic hair thong. If you were being generous, you may say it championed natural hair as attractive. But a look the product, with its precision, trim shape and symmetry – along with how it casts a natural aspect of the female form as an accessory – it’s difficult to view it as a win. Instead, it’s more of the usual from a beauty industry expert at marketing back a fake imitation of our natural selves to make huge profits.

When will this madness cease?! Why can’t bedhead hair just involve waking up and not bothering to brush it? Or the wet look only require forgetting to dry it? Which person champion the idea of making minimal effort popular once more?

Perhaps the only figure who could move the dial is the celebrity in question, a woman whose image holds such sway that, according to aesthetics expert an academic, it has erased the world’s regional differences in aesthetics and homogenised them. Now there is one beauty standard globally: the celebrity benchmark. Indeed, if Kardashian was serious about releasing natural hair positivity globally, she could simply show us how it’s done and let ‘it’ grow free.

Who knows, perhaps one day Kimmy K will guide everyone in a new direction, allowing her physique return to its original state without cinchers, injectables and a team of stylists on call. That very would be an emergency piece I’d like to write.